Lessons on Difference

Eliminating Homophobic Bullying by Developing Empathy

What does punishment of French collaborators have to do with Ken Mehlman?

What does the treatment of women collaborators after Liberation have to do with Ken Mehlman? As initial anger gives way to introspection, I recall how it took nearly a half century for much of France (those that are not clinging to denial still) to truly examine as a nation the varying degrees of accommodation, co-operation and appeasement that millions of French found themselves committing out of sheer necessity or as a result of real or perceived danger.

It was easy to single out a particular scapegoat --the women who consorted with the Germans under the Occupation-- without admitting that it was they who ate the few scraps of extra food that "voluntary" association with the enemy provided. The French courts still get cases involving the French culpability in the Holocaust, much less those that chose to profit from it.

Washington politics, public and private lives intersect at angles as odd as the avenues that dissect the city's landscape. Many times, those enraged by individual or group acts against LGBT people, people with HIV, minorities --the list goes on ad nauseam-- have named names or threatened to of those guilty of participation, and have been applauded or derided for doing so.

The current spate of anti-gay Republican actions in Washington began when Ken Mehlman was studying for his bar mitzvah*, much less the bar. Yes, there were out gay law students and organizations when he was at Harvard. We probably couldn't arrive at how he chose to be a closeted, possibly self-hating, possibly ambitious self-serving SOB. Enough people have stepped forward to show their support for him at what every gay person knows is a difficult and frightening decision to come out publicly that Mehlman couldn't possibly be a 100% pure evil bastard. Yet, he did remain silent during, orchestrated and promoted an anti-gay agenda as he reached the highest echelons of power that have consequences to this day for millions of gay men and women. Life is complicated.

If black South Africans, some of whom it was my privilege to meet and talk with, could look Afrikaaners in the eye after the end of white rule and say, "I forgive you," then I am aware that now the onus is as much on us as it is him.

As one black South African woman said, "forgive, yes; forget, never." What penance and reparation should Ken Mehlman pay? I am not his judge (formally). I, and millions of others, must give him the opportunity to make amends such as will satisfy the victims. As with the proposed community center at 51 Park Place, there is no one course of action which will provide satisfaction to all the parties concerned.

Every gay person alive knows a single disparaging voice in our heads from decades earlier can color the most seemingly unrelated acts in our future, a voice that all the therapy, good deeds and best wishes might not dislodge. Bearing that particular unique Hell may be greater punishment than any of us could dish out.

It might do Mehlman good to hear the shears --or at least know they're in abeyance-- but hold off on putting them to his head. Whether or not he has been acknowledged for making the effort to take responsibility for his past, we are responsible for our own reactions.

Oh, I'm still angry, alright. But I've got laundry and a bowl of Greek yogurt with honey waiting for me, so I'm about to log off and work on keeping all things Mehlman out of my head for a bit. That is, at least I'll try.

*assuming he had one. Not knowing the man personally, I haven't a clue if he's even ashamed even of being Jewish, much less being gay.

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The Truth About Rockstar energy drink: it was created in part by racist & homophobic Michael Savage

Some civil servants in California don't want to do their job

County clerks in Butte, Kern and Merced counties have tried to get around performing same-sex marriages--by ceasing to officiate any weddings --gay or straight-- when the upcoming June 17th date set by the State Supreme Court rolls around. That's defending traditional marriage alright.

In Merced, at least, the County Clerk's office retracted their statement once they heard from county officials.

The typical excuse has been a lack of financial recources, space or staff. At first I thought, to myself, if that's the way you want it, then perhaps the state of California might not have the resources to give you any water from the California Aqueduct, or power from the state grid. And for certain, GLBT folk will know where not to spend their money on vacation (especially since more Californians are vacationing in-state with the high price of gas and plane tickets).

Yet in Kern County, one of the two remaining counties trying to not officiate same-sex marriages, a coalition of straight churches have pledged to stand by and have a minister on hand to perform weddings at all times to anyone who may need them*. With the November constitutional amendment on the ballot, it would be counterintuitive to hurt our allies by calling for a complete and outright boycott of those counties, in the very portions of California where support and goodwill are crucial. At the least, we won't honeymoon there.

Perhaps the best revenge would be for those County Clerks that don't want to follow the law just get the privilege of sitting back and watching the rest of California's counties reap the financial windfall expected to follow the legalization of same-sex marriages.

And maybe, too, getting to see how stupid they'll look to the rest of the state. The SF Chronicle noted that Contra Costa County Clerk Stephen Weir called officiating same-sex couple's weddings a no-brainer, noting that his County clerk's office makes $72,000 a year already in officiating weddings. The Californian reported that Kern County has recouped a tidy profit by providing marriages over the last two months, at $30 a pop. They also mentioned that County Clerk Barnett has cancelled 25 heterosexual marriages that had been already scheduled for after her June 13th deadline (does that mean that, technically, Barnett is against all marriage?) throwing the nuptials of those couples into limbo. Let's see how those county officials that drag their feet try to come hat in hand in Sacramento for more funding for schools and roads and other services when they turned their nose up at easy, legal money. If you know anyone who lives in Kern County, you might let them know how Barnett's decision has cost the county thousands of dollars in potential income --and be sure to remember that come election day.

It isn't like anyone was asking them to produce pollution-emitting cars, or sell guns that would be used in robberies or anything heinous that would actually affect the quality of life of other Californians.

*It might not be a bad idea to turn a positive spin on this, and send notes of thank you to the Rev. Byrd Tetzlaff, of the Unitarian Universalist church, who has pledged to be on hand at the County clerk's office, all day, every day through November 4, to perform weddings for free to any couple who shows up. You can e-mail her at minister@uufkc.org or drop her a note (and maybe a donation) at:

Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Kern County

POB 296

Bakersfield, CA 93302-0296

Leslie Jordan is taking his Trip down the Pink Carpet

I was fortunate to see Leslie last night at the LA kick-off of his Gay Pride book tour. If it's possible to die from laughin' then I've died an' gone to Heaven.

The good news is, that in addition to his new book, Leslie will soon be seen on Sordid Lives, the television show!

"Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes" --Maggie Kuhn

Since I can't sleep, I'm going to tell you about last Thursday, when we went to the LA Convention Center with Massimo to his naturalization swearing-in ceremony becoming an American citizen. A record 18,000 people were all sworn in on one day --a record!

We laughed, we cried, we laughed
some more....

That's not why I can't get to sleep, though. It's because I can't erase the images from my mind of what could and would happen to people like me if I wasn't an American.

Most of you (not all) who were born here don't get it
quite the same way that those of us who weren't feel how it means to be an American.

I can't ever erase the images of faces like Jesse Helms or the Rev. Fred Phelps, that do their damndest
to make sure that people like me would end up like this.

It isn't enough just to be an American citizen to be safe, either. Even here, it's possible to lay in bed at night unable to sleep, gripped with the knowledge that there are those who are persecuted, intimidated and threatened with the consequenses that even Steven King never writes about. After all, he's a straight white male, born in the United States of America.

No matter how much he might try to imagine it, that isn't the same as knowing that it could happen, that it does happen.

Yet, on Harvey Milk's birthday, of all days, there we were, thousands and thousands of us all deeply wrapped up in the moment, assured that this is the home of the free; our home. Our country.

With the knowledge that we possess the right, the priviledge, the responsibility to ensure that the world is as safe as I can --with everyone else-- make it to be.

Any moment, the first light of day will appear over the Atlantic coast. In Miami, it will already be warm as the sun slices through between the sea and sky, and slowly begins too rise up on its daily trek across the continent.

Right now, in this moment, I can rest assured that I am safe; that others have watched over me as I will in turn do my part to assure the well being of others.

And with that, I can turn off the lamp, and sleep, perchance to dream.



The swearing-in photo is from the Associated Press. The Harvey Milk vigil photo by Daniel Nicoletta. The sunrise is by J. H. Riley.

Love makes a family... and the human race, too

There is a presumption --even among heterosexual supporters of same-sex marriage-- that marriage has had but one exclusive definition that never evolved throughout history.

For some twenty thousand years or so, relationships among indigenous peoples in California did not require a license from the county clerk's office (nor did divorce). Some groups of peoples allowed for various forms of same-sex couples, others did not. It's the same basic history in Africa and much of the rest of the world. Until relatively recently, men and women weren't even allowed to marry who they wanted to; that was up to the tribal elders or parents. Actually, arranged marriages are still the rule for several billion human beings worldwide today.

If anything, this notion of societal recognized relationships consisting of state-sanctioned marriage between one man and one woman is quite a recent development in human history.

There wouldn't even be an Anglican Church if the Pope would've granted Henry VIII the right to divorce he wanted --and a few women could have kept their heads. Slaves in America weren't allowed to marry in some states, nor freedmen and slaves in others; until the 1967 Supreme Court ruling on miscegenation there was a patchwork quilt of state laws as to who could marry who. And don't get me started on cousins. It is still illegal in some communities for any unmarried people to co-habitate: whether they be caregivers, friends or roommates just splitting the rent. It was not so long ago that the Nazis (and the Americans) would put couples of different religions or races into concentration camps, irrespective of whether they were opposite sex or same-sex couples.

One could even argue that the world has pretty much started to slide to ruin since people codified the only recognized relationships as those sanctioned by the state between one man and one woman.

In the LA Times on Friday, after the historic California Supreme Court ruling, acting LA County Registrar-Recorder Dean C. Logan stated that plans were underway to accommodate county employees uncomfortable with officiating same-sex marriages. There might be a conflict with non-discrimination statutes there. Even if not covered specifically, it opens a nasty bucket of worms. with many of the world's organized religions not recognizing each other, as well as those who still harbor antipathy for people of certain races, ethnicities nationalities body size-- this could cause chaos in government if civil service workers could chose who they would or or wouldn't assist. Would county lifeguards let people drown? Would the fire department respond only to the fires they desired?

What of those not in any kind of committed relationship? Over a thousand statutes favor state-recognized marriages while penalizing single persons --not just at tax time, either. A married person who survives their spouse gets screwed over, too. ln some cultures, the wife is obligated to be thrown onto her husband's funeral pyre. This is the established custom for more people than live in all of Europe --scarcely a radical fringe.

Nobody wins by continuing to maintain a prime meridian oriented on the one-man-one-woman nuclear family axis, even if we ourselves are pledged (or resigned to) not follow it. Even the staunchest, shrillest proponents of this conviction as the fundamental keystone upon which civilization is built, or worship as some golden calf at the heart of all humankind, fail to account for all of the insurmountable evidence that disproves their dogma. They themselves have shown --despite their recent claims to the contrary-- that they themselves aren't as devoted heart and soul to this myopic construct. After all this time, no society has succeeded at permanently stamping out the "world's oldest profession," have they?

Everyone belongs to the human race, all people in all the relationships that we live our lives, whether we live them as we would have it by design or by default. We all contribute and draw from the whole. Every breath of every human helps provide the oxygen which sustains life --even those full of hot air.

If you're gonna go after Rev. Wright, then you better go after Rev. Hagee

Sen. Barack Obama is taking a hit in the polls as the far right continues to bash him for his ties to the Rev. Wright, even though Obama has denounced his controversial remarks and taken great pains to distance himself from the minister.

Strangely, though, the same media are giving Sen John McCain a Get Out of Jail Free card in regards to the Rev. John Hagee, who he has had to distance himself from under similar circumstances.

Rev. Hagee has, among other things, repeatedly claimed that hurricane Katrina was God's wrath on the sinners of New Orleans for their support of homosexuality.


I have yet to hear an explanation for why the incompetence of the Federal government could be interpreted as God's wrath, not to mention the sheer scope of the devastation Katrina caused.


Rev. Hagee should not only have to face the citizens of New Orleans for his remarks, but he really ought to explain himself to the folks who were affected by Katrina in the communities of Beaumont, Bridge City, Nederland, Orange, Pinehurst, Port Arthur and Vidor, in Texas; Abbeville, Amelia, Avery Island, Baldwin, Barataria, Bayou Vista, Belcambre, Bell City, Bertandville, Bohemia, Boothville, Bourg, Buras, Burrwood, Calumet, Cameron, Carlisle, Centerville, Chacahoula, Chauvin, Cocodrie, Crowley, Crown Point, Creole, Dalcour, Davant, Diamond, Donner, Dulac, Eden Isle, Empire, Erath, Esther, Franklin, Gibson, Galliano, Garden City, Golden Meadow, Grand Chenier, Grand Lake, Gueydan, Hackberry, Hayes, Henry, Hickory, Holly Beach, Holmwood, Houma, Indian Bayou, Intracoastal City, Isle Jean Charles, Jean Lafitte, Jeanerette, Jennings, Jesuit, Bend, Kaplan, Lacassine, Lacombe, Lake Arthur, Lake Charles, Leeville, Louisa, Mandeville, Maurice, Meaux, Montegut, Morgan City, Morse, Myrtle Grove, Nairn, Naomi, New Iberia, Oak Grove, Patterson, Pearl River, Pecan Island, Perry, Phoenix, Point a la Hache, Point-aux-Chenes, Port Fourchon, Port Nickle, Port Sulphur, Poydras, Reggio, Saint Bernard, Slidell, Sulphur, Shell Beach, Theriot, Tidewater, Toomey, Triumph, Venice, Vinton, Welsh, and Yscloskey in Lousiana; and Bay Saint Louis, Biloxi, Diamondhead, Gulfport, Long Beach, Lyman, Moss Point, Nicholson, Ocean Springs, Pass Christian, Pearlington and Waveland in Mississippi.*

Okay, I'm mad enough now that I'm gonna have to go eat a chocolate coffee pudding. And it's all Rev. Hagee's fault.





*My apologies to any towns I inadvertently left off. I'm sure there were more.

I tried to give Sally Kern the benefit of a doubt, but in the end,she proved to be not just wrong, but SCARY wrong

The link above will take you to Daily Oklahoman website coverage, which includes the entire unedited text as part of the ongoing series on the Sally Kern controversy. You might want to save it for Halloween, or to scare your kids by showing them how they'll turn out if they don't stay in school.

When I did send my letter to Rep. Kern, it was polite, and with the belief that she was a reasonable person. Now I'm beginning to think she may have grown up downwind from a meth lab. The things she says are so crazy, they stopped even being scary... except for the fact that this is an elected official in the state of Oklahoma, and there are other people who think like her! She even cites enough sources in the podcast to suggest that she's been indoctrinated or taught or brainwashed (no, scratch that; her brain needs a good washing). Somebody out there has a serious case of bad kharma coming to them.

I guess that it was just too beautiful of a day outside for me to not have to pay the price.

Rhymes with "witch," and I don't mean ditch, fitch, hitch, itch, niche, pitch, rich, stitch, switch or twitch

My initial response upon reading the remarks by Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern was to write her a letter. I wasted he better part of a tree before even beginning to rework it on the computer. I still opted to refrain from actually sending the final version until I calmed down a bit more.

Then something happened today. A friend of mine was quite out of sorts over impending word on whether he passed his citizenship exam. While reassuring him, I pointed out that most of the hundred or so Americans present couldn't begin to pass the same exam he'd aced. Through sheer luck of birthright, a lot of Americans have citizenship in this country which they neither appreciate nor make any effort to deserve.

Despite my wavering resolve to hold off adding my two cents worth to the controversy, continued coverage of reaction to Sally Kern's remarks have only served to inflame my inclination to butt in. You can click on the header above to read her remarks. If you don't want to read my ranting, this would be the time to click on any of the nice g-rated links located on the left of this blog.

As an American citizen, not only do I get to spout off my opinion if I so desire, I have seen first hand the terrified looks on faces of people who are trapped in countries where to do so would have dire consequences.

Quite frankly, I don't know that Rep. Kern deserves to be an American. I don't know for certain that she doesn't, but to deliberately and irresponsibly defame and insult members of Congress, gays, Muslims, and anyone who ever took the oath to uphold the constitution of the United States and holds the rights therein sacred...*

Maybe we might all have a case to sue Rep. Kern for real and punitive damages--not to mention pain and suffering. Actually I think her remarks probably deserve her fate to be decided by the likes of Johnny Knoxville or the producers of "Survivor," along with a dressing-down by Simon Cowell on live national television. I'm tempted to add "Celebrity Rehab" to the list, but let's face it, even with her new found notoriety on You tube, Rep. Kern doesn't even cut it as a B-list celebrity.

Of course, that's just my little ol' personal opinion. It might put me on the no-fly list and add a notation to my FBI file, but I'm still allowed to say it. It isn't as if I yelled "fire" in a theater, which is tantamount to what Rep. Kern did.

Well, now that I got that off my chest, I might as well get back to sending her that letter.


* and Americans. Let's not forget Americans! George Bush is still in office for about ten months, so there's still time for him to bomb the @%#! out of whoever disses America!

Lawrence (Larry) King and Satender Singh

Satender Singh

Lawrence King

These images may be of women, for women, but what do you want to bet some clueless men came up with this campaign?

It didn't take long to find Isaiah Washington's bunkmates in rehab. This campaign is almost as offensive as that Ridley Scott anti-SAG ad a few years ago (no, we didn't forget).

When saying, "I'm sorry," by itself alone doesn't cut it...

Jay Leno joked after Isaiah Washington's apology for his homophobic slur that 'he ought to be a entering rehab any minute now.' And now word is, that he has. I know that decades ago a group of sincere activists started a group for white people to examine and overcome their racism, but I wasn't aware of the existence of Homophobia Anonymous.

From the news stories of late, that recovery facility has tapped into a growth market with a lot of potential.

I've said some dumb things myself in the past that had me wondering, what the heck did I say that? There's probably not a human alive who can't say the same thing.

There were activists in the sixties who used to say something to the effect that the wringing of hands and all was well and good, but one's actions would said say more to their sincerity. As they say in twelve step groups, Washington has taken the first, major step in recovery by admitting he was wrong and attempting to do with it. And what if there is no Homophobia Anonymous, and Washington has entered a facility for good old fashioned run of the mill chemical dependency? In vino veritas.

If Washington completes his treatment, at least he won't have to fear every plate or drink a waiter brings him from now on. Maybe he might even end up bunkmates with Michael Richards or Mel Gibson or any one of the other number of high profile personalities who have publicly regretted the words they spoke just a little bit too late.

Too bad there's such a list of people I'd like to push into intervention.

I've said some dumb things myself in the past that had me wondering, why the heck did I say that? There's probably not a human alive who can't say the same thing.

Assuming all goes the way it should at whatever facility Washington's in, it's one down, a couple hundred million to go...

A yucky thought I want to get off my chest...

Last night on David Letterman I heard, yet again, Donald Trump repeatedly refer to Rosie O'Donnell as 'a degenerate.'

By inference, he's saying that he thinks of all gay people as degenerate.

This from a man who has been married several times, to much younger women, which in the eyes of some religions, would make him a degenerate. Letterman tried several times to tell him that he ought not to say that, but Trump cut him off, and repeated himself.

There will be an interview with him and The Apprentice producer Mark Burnett in tomorrow's LA Times. I could give a flying rat's ass about his reality show or his opinions on anything else for that matter; and some reason I presume he'll be too wrapped up in his endless self-promotion to get into his ongoing feud with Rosie O'Donnell.

I don't much care how it all started; from what has been repeated second- or third-hand, Rosie had some thoughts about how Trump was handling his beauty queens. Am I the only one who finds it creepy that Trump "owns" these beauty pageants, anyway? Is picking cotton part of the official duties of the pageant winners, or do they vie for manumission?

I'm probably more upset by the whole affair than I might have otherwise been because the LaRouche people tried to ambush me again outside the supermarket. Either they don't know or don't care that they are working or volunteering for a homophobe, and possibly even getting off being in the heart of one of the largest gay and lesbian enclaves in the country trying to get people to donate money to their own detriment.

Since I have never watched The Apprentice, I won't miss not watching it. I'm beginning to wonder, however, if NBC shares Trump's viewpoint that gay people are degenerate. And I'm beginning to be concerned that some of the programs Trump has been on that have failed to mention (or edited out) any discussion of his use of the word may share the same view.